“Hey Dad, my new gig is next-level stuff – try a customized set of vitamins based on a urine sample sent to Bioceutica, just for you.”
It might not get you to type in your credit card number, but it made you look twice, didn’t it?
That or disrupt a family bond forever.
So have I been involved?
This video explains:
All good? Let’s continue…
Maybe Bioceutica saw the plethora of anti-ageing magic powders, vanilla-cinnamon supplement pills that knock ten years off, and scoffed at the lack of corporate imagination.
Or maybe the idea came from a wacky, wacky dream. A dream that never needs to be spoken of again.
Either way, we’re in the gutter and it’s more interesting than a capsule made of pig stomach and filled with the whispers of angels, so here goes.
Bioceutica used to be the Trump Network, with the big guy himself running the show. Before that, it was Ideal Health. It’s not uncommon for MLMs to change names (a lot) but it’s still not a great sign. It means it’s been bailed out and changed hands, further meaning the business model has got some big fat holes in it. The Trumpinator bailed on the company in 2012 after a slew of problems including customers not receiving products or even refunds.
So if a man with his resources can’t fix it, there’s a problem as big as his golf courses.
The current CEO, Candace Keefe, has her own little page which is great for company openness, until you realized someone didn’t check the copy before they published.
Oops. Small error, but still says something about overall web quality.
The urine test idea came all the way back from Ideal Health, and is now marketed under the name PrivaTest. Are urine tests all they’re cracked up to be? Maybe. Maybe not. You’re not exactly going to send a blood sample off, are you? (1)
With such a quirky/bizarre method of choosing vitamins, you’d hope the product line up is just as interesting.
The wee vitamins! Because that’s what you’re thinking, no matter how mature you claim to be. The MyVitaminsRX® is customised nutritional support designed to supplement your vitamin deficits.
There’s a lot of talk about wellness, but this is the anti-aging portal.
A metabolic reset, apparently. For those of us whose bodies have realised all we eat are nachos and guacamole with a side of beer. Too bad nachos are awesome. The Silhouette Solution is a weight loss plan wrapped in a comforting swaddle blanket of serene-looking woman in yoga positions and dappled rays of sunlight.
The make-up aisle of Bioceutica. They list nine magical additives/butters/vitamins that are in the products, and one of them seems almost sinister.
So botox in your mascara?
Bioceutica does come under the delightful banner of having actual prices on its website for budding entrepreneurs.
Signing up costs $89.00, which is pretty steep for a supplement brand. However, you get a website with that base rate, and a bunch of other “business tools”. These include access to a “virtual office” – probably where you contact the mothership – customer order forms, product prices, thank you cards and your own personal PrivaTest. Feeling the love.
You can then buy a bunch of other kits, all tailored around one of the categories.
Reverse 20 BB Kit: $503.00
Includes four Reverse 20 Youth Restoration Sets
RV $450.00 and BV 270
My Vitamins BB Kit: $330.00 (value $367.65)
Includes another PrivaTest, and a sinister sounding product called “lights out”.
RV $275.00 and BV 147
Intuitiv by Nature BB Kit: $342.00 (value $379.95)
Polish, acid mask, deep pore cleanse, clays – all luxe sounding stuff.
RV $315.00 and BV 189
SS MetaReset BB Kit: $210.00 (value 233.60)
Funky sounding flavour shakes. French vanilla and orange cream, anyone?
RV $167.00 and BV 100
Ingenious Color BB Kit: $595.00 (value $661.00)
Makeup of all kinds, and brushes, which is an unusual luxury for this kind of package.
RV $410.00 and BV 261
The annual renewal cost comes in at $47.00. These prices seem steep but you get a lot of corporate toys for your starting price that’ll make it easier to actually, you know, sell stuff.
Independant consultants then earn up to 35% retail commissions, and credits for repeat purchases.
However, you only start earning commissions when your retail volume hits 200, and the commission here is only 15%. Newbies are looking at a big brick wall, waving a flag and shouting abuse.
That nasty breakaway business however pokes its ugly little nose into this otherwise okay-looking plan. If someone you sponsor hits a higher rank than you quicker, you lose your personal group volume points.
Bioceutica focuses more on recruitment efforts than actual product sales. A monthly autoship is required for distributors. Autoship commissions are only paid on customers’ orders and not on personal product purchases. That’s a bad lookout for all involved. Higher ranks will want you to do well (but not too well) and starters are going to face a mountain of challenges. And a backstabby work culture.
There’s also not a great deal written about training. Maybe there isn’t any, which unless you’re a natural born salesperson, isn’t going to help you out at all.
And just when it was going middle-of-the-road well, a sneaky autoship stipulation wormed its way in. As of January this year, distributors have to get Bioceutica stuff autoshipped in to maintain active status. So those piles of pills are going to pile up unless you spend every waking moment out there, selling urine tests to the masses.
There’s a uniqueness here, that can’t be denied. Problem is, that uniqueness is still sprawled over a bed of powders, potions and anti-aging eyeshadows, which just kind of melts into the classic supplement MLM background.
If you want to spend your days flogging sending yellow bottles off to a faraway laboratory, then you’re covered on this one, but otherwise, there are better ways to earn income online.
If you like passive income streams, there are much better opportunities out there.
In other words, you might like our training because it teaches the “good life” without peddling products to your family and friends.